The Wife did about 5 hours of yard work, proving that she not only wears the pants, but she also slays dragons.We have decided to grill out, for some stupid reason. I suggested it, rather stupidly. Not sure why. The process has invited a Mormon-sized family of spiders to defend the charcoal bag as their home, and apparently summoned reinforcements from the uncleaned, recently rained-in gutters to buzz about me, taking turns trying to suck my vegetarian blood and give me the West Nile Virus.
Beginning to think this may have been a bad idea. I have a picture of my bite-bloated hand from the last time I was outdoors longer than the time it takes to flee like a little girl, arms flailing behind me like a poorly drawn cartoon, to my car before and after work. Allow me to share it with you.
I know it doesn't look as bad as you might imagine, but keep in mind, they like to go for the thin-skin areas where there's minimal room for swelling. For example: my knuckles. I was unable to use my hand all day that day, and some of the next. That was Wednesday. It is now Sunday, and my hand is still a little swollen.
tl;dr- I hate nature, and it can go screw itsel-WAIT! NO! It'll just breed more bugs to terrorize me.
Do me a favor, peers, and pollute as much as you can, because it will reduce the number of insects. Who cares if the human species dies off as a consequence- at least we'll have won the war.
Update: I decided to abandon the grill to the elements, choosing instead to cook my tofu and The Wife's chicken on the stove.
GUESS WHO STUCK THEIR FINGERS ON A HOT STOVE PANEL!
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